Motherhood, Muddles and Mindfulness

As I get close to launching my ultimate 8 week experience, Design Your Life, I drilled down into what it takes to design a life you love, which brings you happiness every day.  At the centre of it I found myself.  Specifically a version of myself where I spend time filling my cup.  So I decided to use my next few blog posts to explore this by inviting other enlightened mums.  Those who have been the stressed mum, the overwhelmed mum, the unhappy mum, but have come out of the other side.  I wanted to hear from them how they got there and what the benefits have been.

Meet my second guest blogger, Debbie.  She is a Spiritual Alchemist with over 20yrs experience in the mindbody field.  I spoke to Debbie because I have experienced that it is terribly hard to be mindful when you are a mum.  We are pulled in so many different directions that I reckon our brains actually rewire to always thinking about the next thing we have to get done, instead of enjoying being in the moment.

In this blog Debbie shares her experience and a 1 minute meditation you can do anywhere at any time.

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Mindfulness is a term bandied about frequently these days. But what is it?

It is consciously putting full focus and attention on what you are doing or engaging in.   Being present in the moment.

With its roots in meditative practices, Buddhist teachings see mindfulness as a path to enlightenment as one discovers that our mind is the cause of all our suffering. One then works to master the mind through being present and the noticing of the Monkey Mind or the mind‘s need and desire to be attached – to outcomes, behaviours, beliefs, thoughts, perceptions, and stories.

There are many studies that confirm the positive impact of mindfulness on our well-being and our worrisome minds. Sounds like a panacea for today’s world and the holy grail of calm huh?

It certainly is, but how does that fit for a mum who is struggling to juggle motherhood, business, finance, relationships, while still making sure the washing’s done and dry, dinner’s nutritious, cooked and eaten, the kids are happy, well and confident, and the house is not sinking under a foot of dust and grime?

How does it fit, when we feel like we have nothing left to give? And don’t know where to turn?

Less stress and topping up the tank

Taking a minute or two can more ‘space’ to breathe and be more of the mum you want to be – an empowered mum with more love to share. It helps our mind settle. Read – Less stress hormones = Happier mum → Happier children → Happier family → Happier community → Happier world!

We all know of the truth of making sure we top up our tank first as mothers, but it can be incredibly hard to do so. Our instinctive, unconscious actions are to attend to children/family first.

But remember the adage of the oxygen mask in a plane crash? We are no help to our children (or anyone else), if we have no oxygen and die. Implementing mindfulness practices are one way to support ourselves – giving our souls oxygen if you like, so we can support those we love in the chaos, muddle and joy of motherhood.

To help meet the challenge of everyday pressure combined with the overlay of motherhood try my micro-meditation here. This meditation is one way to top up your tank and your soul. It is easy to implement, short – under a minute, and with the exception of driving a vehicle, can be done pretty much anywhere, anytime!

Expand time, create space; take a moment

By putting our full attention on what is directly in front of us, we potentially create more space and time. I know it doesn’t make sense, but bear with me.

Think back to a time where instead of finishing a task and then giving your children attention, you did it the other way around. I remember trying to complete some university papers when my son was one or two, and saying hang on, hang on as he vied for my attention. The times I stopped what I was doing and sat with him (and Thomas the tank engine!) for 10 – 15mins then gave me a full half an hour (magic!) to get my words in place for submission. You may have had a similar experience of giving your children full attention for ten or fifteen minutes which then freed up half an hour for you to get those accounts done or phone calls made.

As a mother taking a moment whenever you can, to be present, creates an opportunity to come back to centre. And sometimes we need to take it whenever and wherever we can. I remember taking an extra moment or two in the toilet to sit and centre as sometimes this was the only time I had any space when my kids were younger!

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What might mindfulness look like for an Empowered Mum?

  • Planning time to be fully present when the kids come home from school or kindy so their well is filled with your compassion and attention (even 5 – 10 minutes each child will work wonders)
  • I have found one of the keys to mindfulness is to surrender. Surrendering the shoulds, musts and need to’s
  • Exploring your ability to expand time by intentionally focusing on and enjoying the task at hand – yes even the dishes, cleaning the shower!
  • Try my one minute micro meditation to bring yourself back into centre regularly throughout the day

Further resources you might find useful:

Jon Kabat-Zinn and Eckhart Tolle are well-known proponents of the power of now and being present and are the authors of many books.

Sarah Napthali has written several books on Buddhism and motherhood which may also be of help.

Mindfulness is a growing movement and there are many mindfulness/meditative groups worldwide. Check out the web for something close to you.

See more of Debbie at her Facebook page!

 

Why I Made the Decision to Design My Life

So, this is what my life looked like not so far back in the past…

I had a brand new baby, I was taking both girls to Play Centre, I was taking on responsibilities there, I was trying to be the perfect mum – attachment parenting, breastfeeding, healthy food, seeing the Naturopath, trying to never lose my temper, putting far too much pressure and too many expectations on myself. I was trying to get Essential Mum off the ground and running, whilst working out a sales contract I held onto because we were pressured by the weight of financial stress that was so heavy I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.  Many weeks we just didn’t know how we would be able to pay our bills and the mortgage. I felt obligated in so many different directions that I didn’t know which way was up. I was stressed, I was exhausted, and by rushing from one task to the next constantly I was missing being in the moments as they happened and losing the true beauty of them. I was disconnected from my new baby girl, my older baby girl and life itself.  I was exhausted.  And yet I was going over and above for the wonderful crowd of women I had attracted with Essential Mum because these women inspired me and motivated me daily. I wanted desperately to help them more than what I was doing already.  That was when I decided to train to become a life coach.  And that was when my life changed.

And now I have come full circle. What I mean by that is that it’s now time to share on what was so powerful for me. Because I see you; hiding behind a smile that disguises how unfulfilled you feel.  I know that your “together” shell hides how inside you’re falling apart. Your silence tells me everything it needs to.  I hear you because I was where you are and I want to help you.

In September I am launching my Design Your Life Coaching Programme for 6 inspired and open mums.  The steps I will take you through across 8 weeks are exactly those that I took myself to get out of the overwhelm and focus on me and what I needed for my health and happiness.  I will help you strike a balance between what you love to do and your obligations, so you’re not over-committed and exhausted.  I will help you design a life that brings you happiness, every day.

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I still have days where I fall apart, but what helps me come back together again is knowing the steps to get myself back into balance.  If you are interested in receiving some no obligation information about my Design Your Life Programme, fill out the contact form here:

Much Love x x

5 Ways with an Essential Oil TWIST to Ignite Joy in your Life Right Now

I have to admit that today I am feeling really low. I hate admitting that! I’m a Life Coach, your Life Transformation Coach for Health & Happiness, how can I possibly allow myself to get down?!

It happens, life happens! The important thing is how we respond because the longer we stay down the harder it is to come back up!

As a mum, I don’t have a great deal time to do the things I used to do to lift my mood – the long walks in nature, a massage, a relaxing bath, a little gift to myself or a night out with friends! So the following are instant ways to spark joy AND they are kid hanging off your ankles friendly.

What do I mean by joy? That warm feeling, that sudden need to smile, that assurance that all is well in the world, even the giddy feeling of being totally carefree for a few moments.

Firstly, just quickly, what specifically makes you feel good? Focus on it. How does it make you feel? That’s your joy! Now let’s ignite that feeling when you need it!

  • OPTION 1:  MAKE ICE CREAM! You’re a mum, so I am guessing you have frozen bananas in the freezer for smoothies and the like? What if you could whip these babies up into chocolate orange happiness in under a minute? Ice cream cheers you up, right? This is classic comfort food without as much sugar and with the magical uplifting powers of wild orange essential oil. Just combine a few drops of Wild Orange essential oil (get yours here) with a handful of dark chocolate chips and your frozen bananas (preferably small chunks) and whizz away in the blender for about 45 seconds. Serve immediately. Feel the joy (and the kids will love you too 🙂 )
  • OPTION 2: BE MINDFUL. I know I must sound like a broken record in these blogs, but I cannot stress enough how important it is to just be. If you struggle with this, grab my At EASE rollerball and try again (get yours here). It helps me no end when I struggle to stay focused in a task – including contemplating the fluff in my navel! (Or not contemplating it, as that would be thinking and mindfulness is a mind without thought 😉)
  • OPTION 3: DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING even if you’re surrounded by kids, the dog and your curtain twitching neighbour! Grab a sniff of Cheer (you can check this amazing blend out here), put on your favourite song and dance. If baby needs your arms, wrap her, if your toddler wants to play, dance with her. Dance like no one is watching until the smile comes and your worries float away
  • OPTION 4: WALK. It doesn’t matter where. Put a drop of Balance on each wrist (see why here), breathe in the grounding aromas, feel the tightness in your chest melt away and the furrows in your brows relax then hit the pavement. Again, this is one you can do with the kids. The important thing is just get out the house and breathe in the fresh air!
  • OPTION 5: THROW OUT THE TO DO LIST.  The washing will wait, you can last another day without the food shopping and the world won’t end if you don’t make it to Mainly Music. (OK, that’s a lie, your 4 year old’s world will end.) Sometimes we can get so busy it becomes overwhelming and our moods falls flat because life seems insurmountable! When this happens, stop. Grab Serenity essential oil, make the kids some playdough (and lace it with Serenity essential oil 😉 ) and just laze about.

You’re welcome 🙂

Much Love X X

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Why Can’t I Just be At Ease?

One of the things we are taught as Coaches is to interrogate an existing reality with view to changing it if it doesn’t make us happy.

One of the things I hate as a mum is the constant need to feel like I’m always doing something. It takes me out of the moment, it robs me of precious moments with my children and it tires me out. I check myself on it constantly and have to remind myself not to be that way. How does it serve me, therefore? Frankly, it means I get stuff done.

This simple statement is really revealing to me and helps me to understand why I am constantly on the go, if not physically, then mentally, even though that isn’t the mum I want to be. When I think back to my younger days spent ambling, hanging out, reading, imagining, playing I feel grief that I have lost the ability to just be at ease. This was the intention of my rollerball of the same name. Unlike the other blends in the range that have helped other mums so much, this particular blend of oils really helps me to turn off the mental chatter and just be still, physically and mentally. I use it when I feel my mind wandering during play.

This ability to be fully at ease is so important to me. I don’t want to regret down the line not having just been able to hang out and play with my children, or really seen them without distraction, or heard them, not just listened with my mind on other things. I don’t want my girls to fall into the same dangerous pattern and lose their beautifully innocent ability to just be in the moment.

This drive creates a more useful feeling – excitement – at how I get my presence back. Fully. I’ve already become so much more mindful by decluttering my physical and mental space and becoming more organized. I think the answer lies in why my existing reality serves me, but I have many questions left to ask.

What is your experience? Do you suffer in the same way? I think this would be a powerful subject for a group coaching session; would you be open to exploring this with me?

Drop your comments below because I would be interested in reading them. I think this could go somewhere, but that is a question I am yet to fully address… Who is the mum I want to become?

Much love X X

How to use my Rollerball System to Roll Easy through this Life of Mum!

Life as a mum isn’t easy all the time.  It can be challenging, emotionally and physically draining, it can be isolating and it can screw with your sense of self in a BIG WAY! Motherhood is an evolving journey in so many ways, but especially in identity, which can be confusing and confronting for us.  And don’t even get me started on mummy guilt…

That is how I came up with my Rollerball System.  Mums would come to me for blends for this and for that:

  • “I need something to pick me up in the afternoon; I am drinking way too much coffee!”
  • “I need something to lift my mood”
  • “Do you have anything for mindfulness?”
  • “I need something to calm me down in the moment – when the kids are driving me crazy”
  • “I need something for my anxious feelings”
  • “The kids keep getting sick, do you have anything to keep me well, so that I can look after them?  I don’t have the time or the luxury of a sick day!”

Through these requests and experimentation with many blends and blends I have used myself (for anxiety, relaxation and mine and my daughter’s immune system), I have developed tried and tested blends that work to:

  • Calm Me DOWN
  • Pick Me UP
  • Keep Me WELL
  • Make me Worry-LESS
  • And be At EASE

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How the System Works

You can use each rollerball individually or you can use them together as a system.  For example:

  • Use At Ease daily to encourage presence and gratitude.
    • I roll At Ease to my root chakra when I rise in the morning, take 3 deep breaths or do a small meditation/positive affirmation.  This helps me to stay present in the moment and relaxed throughout the day, and grateful.
  • Use Calm Me Down in the moment of anger or if you feel your temper or tension rising.  It makes tension literally melt away.
    • Roll to the back of your neck if you feel a tension headache coming on or have tight muscles.  Roll it behind your ears 30 minutes before bedtime to relax and unwind and welcome sleep.
  • Use Calm Me Down and Worry Less together in the moment anxiety hits.  Anxiety is like a domino.  If you don’t catch that first one falling the anxiety spirals out of your control.  This mix can help you stop that domino in its tracks.
    • Roll both to the wrists and take 3 deep breaths.  Repeat a positive affirmation 3 times. Or, roll to the center of your chest at the heart level in a clockwise direction. The heart chakra is the wellspring of love, warmth, compassion, and joy.  It encourages self-love, altruism, generosity, kindness, and respect.
  • Use Worry Less on its own on those days where worries weigh down our mind and spirit.
    • Roll easy up to three times a day on wrists, back of knees, feet, neck or root chakra.
  • Use Pick Me Up to lift mood or energy.  It is a great alternative to that 3pm coffee!  It contains multiple citrus oils to lift your energy and spirit, whilst keeping you grounded and focused with the frankincense and other balancing oils.
  • Use Keep Me WELL during those times when your immune system needs a boost because you need to be well, mum, to keep your tribe well! We forget to look after ourselves sometimes, so this is one is an easy, quick way to do that with immune boosting, bacteria busting, spirit lifting essential oils.

Using these rollerballs as a system works really well for a number of reasons:

  • Calming a troubled mind makes us more present in our children’s play and needs
  • The ability to calm down when emotions or tensions run high is beneficial to mum and child too
  • Better sleep leads to more energy
  • Actively practising gratitude and mindfulness can reduce stress
  • Boosting the immune system is important to maintaining wellness. When mum gets sick there is no recovering in bed for days.  We have to keep going, so it is better to invest in avoiding illness in the first place!

As a system the rollerballs are aimed at reducing ill-health and the negative emotions that are a consequence of high stress, lack of sleep, tension and worry, and increasing positive mood from the inside out.  Recent studies show self-induced changes in mood can increase the production of serotonin, which is your feel good hormone.  By increasing calm and a sense of peacefulness and control, this also boosts the mindfulness that we are encouraging with the At EASE blend!

BUY NOW

 Buy your Rollerballs now.  Purchase individually from $22 each or as a system for $124.50

Roll Easy flyer

Design Your Life

My 5 Roll Easy rollerballs are also a key tool in my Design Your Life Ultimate Experience. This is an 8 week coaching programme to shift out of overwhelm into purpose.

Are you tired of living on autopilot?

Are you stressed?  Maybe not feeling like you’re not giving your all to any one thing, including your children?

Do you feel guilty or frustrated that you’re not achieving your own expectations?

Are you inspired by the possibility life could be better?

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click here

And be sure to click here and read my Guest Blog Series from other mums who took the journey from surviving to thriving!

Why the Design Your Life Experience WORKS

A couple of years ago I hit a tipping point.  My life was completely out of balance and I was unhappy.  Something needed to change.

Using the process I will take you through as part of this experience I “decluttered” my physical, spiritual and mental space.  I scheduled my time, so that I could fit the many things that were pulling me in many directions in.  Then I identified the things that were quality time spent that served me and my family and got rid of the rest; i.e. I designed my life, rather than letting life rule me!  I identified my purpose and freed myself from the limiting beliefs and other things that were holding me back from fulfilling it.  And through all of this emerged more awareness of who I am underneath the veil of Eden and Jade’s mum, so that my life is not just about #beingmum. In fact, I discovered that I am literally 50 shades of mum, but that is OK!  I also acknowledged that I have less than attractive traits that make me feel like a terrible mum sometimes, like my Angry Dinosaur, but through the process I will take you through I understand how they serve me, how they don’t and I put strategies in place to use them to my advantage.

If you are ready to fall in love with the life you have designed for yourself, which brings you true happiness and lives out your purpose and dreams, talk to me now to get started.

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