Mindful [fill the blank]

I am sat here, well, sick as a dog actually. I’m aching for a nap, or at the very least just to kick back and do absolutely nothing, but my mind is being pulled towards the work I have to do, the fact I should be doing anything more soul nourishing than this with my two year old and now I’m typing this blog on my phone.

On Saturday I took part in the Auckland Mama Markets up in Milford and had a wonderful conversation with Trish Martin Baby Coach.

She was looking at the Biozen and we were discussing the risks of EMF to children and babies and she mentioned how she had never seen as much technology as we use today, often inches away from a babies head. She also mentioned how she often sees mothers breastfeeding with their focus on the phone and this really resonated with me because that is exactly what I used to do too.

I decided to dig into this phenomenon because it is truly unhealthy. Why can’t we breastfeed and focus on breastfeeding alone? Or be present playing with our children? Or be present in anything? Why do we feel compelled to check social media or chat to a friend when our beautiful creations are lay in our arms. Why is the washing more important than play? Aren’t our children the most beautiful things we have ever seen? Don’t we want to treasure each moment like it were our last? Why is what is happening on Facebook grabbing our attention?

If I dig into my own experience it was the feeling that something needs to be done that pulled me out of most moments. And the feeling was that it needed to be done now because my to do list was never ending. I had way too much on my plate. I recognize right now that my plate is overloaded again. We are moving house, my business is booming and clearly my immune system and mind has taken a hit. What are you feeling as your attention moves from baby to your phone (or whatever)? Identify that feeling because its roots have control over your mindfulness and you can take the control back. I like to think of it like becoming the boss of your own thoughts and I’d like to teach you how to do it in simple steps because doing it myself has changed my life.

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind.

Buddha

Of course, I still have my bad days like today, and it’s important on those days that I look at what has changed. My lack of mindfulness is my mind’s way of telling me to take stock. So the first thing I can do is listen and respond. If I keep ignoring the signals my body is giving me I will end up in a worse place (I have done that too.)

So if we go back to the example of the mother breastfeeding and on her phone, what is the need being filled here? It could be something as simple as boredom, or it could be something deeper like a need for connection. I can help you discover those needs if you get stuck. My need was for order in my life. I thought constantly “doing” would bring that when in fact I needed to declutter my life.

The next thing to identify is what is keeping your mind from being at peace? What emotions are at play? In my experience it was stress and anxiety caused by the lack of order in my life. For you it might be sadness, or worry. Start to observe your emotions in the moment that your mindfulness slips, just as you are observing your body’s signals to take stock. From here you can begin to retrain your mind and rewire your brain.

 “We are what we repeatedly do.”

We are also what we repeatedly think. Over long periods, our patterns of thinking become etched into the billions of neurons in our brains, connecting them together in unique, entrenched patterns. When certain brain pathways – connections between different components or ideas – are frequently repeated, the neurons begin to “fire” or transmit information together in a rapid, interconnected sequence. Once the first thought starts, the whole sequence gets activated.

We can change that sequence. We can literally take control of what we think.  We can replace negative beliefs with positive affirmations, we can change our environment so we are surrounded with positivity to support positive thoughts and we can give up habits that negatively influence us, like excessive amounts on Facebook at all. Over time, we can begin to change the wiring of our brain so our prefrontal cortex (the executive center, responsible for setting goals, planning and executing them), is more able to influence and shut off our rapidly firing, fear-based amygdala (emotion control center). And, this is exactly what brain imaging studies on effects of mindfulness therapy have shown.

Loving ourselves deeply and nurturing our needs is a big part of the puzzle.

My schedule was out of control because I was knee deep in the emotional suffocation of not paying myself enough attention – period.

It took me a long time to understand self love, my limiting beliefs holding me back from it and what it actually means in terms of tangible actions I can take every day, but when I figured everything out I found this unbounded space in my head that allowed me to be present in a way I had never experienced before.

I also rediscovered my true authentic self, became physically healthier and emotionally stronger and found my purpose outside of #beingmum.

If self love is something you need a little help with I run a programme over 16 days, which costs just nz$16 and it will help you take a big step forward from where you are now. That’s just a $1/day and it’s all done online through email or Facebook messenger, whichever you prefer. To get started, click below:

 

16 Days of Self Love

NZ$16.00

If you’re having trouble being mindful you might also enjoy this blog by Spiritual Alchemist, Debbie, with a 1 minute meditation you can do anywhere at any time.

Much love x x

7 Signs You Could Use a Life Coach

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again & expecting different results…  The difference between getting some life coaching and not is being limited or empowered.

I have NO doubt in my mind, that life coaching has been the vehicle for the single biggest, most fundamental change in me and how I live my life.

The thing is, I picked up the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff to get coaching, rather than being proactive and seeking it out. The cost of this was that I spent a long period of time feeling deeply unfilled and unhappy, in which time I lost control of my basic emotions – got angry easily, felt down repeatedly and suffered anxious feelings regularly.  I lost precious moments with my children in an unrelenting busyness and beat myself up constantly that my intention was completely the opposite; I wanted to be the best and most present mum I could possibly be.  I was riddled with #momguilt for not achieving that.

At the heart of not having made that change sooner was a cluster of limiting beliefs and negative thoughts that were residing in my psyche and holding me back.

I am mum. Everybody else must come first. I will get onto me when the girls don’t need me anymore. I have to be everything they need me to be and be the best at it too.

And yet, if I had have been a 35 year career woman in a challenging job I would have had no qualms using the services of a life coach to manage those challenges. So why not #beingmum, one of the most challenging jobs there is?

Here are some signs that you could benefit from a life coach, so that you don’t get picked up by the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff! Because the fall isn’t pretty…

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What might you get if you decide to engage a Life Coach?

For a start it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll see you’ve got way more in you than you realise and that you have dreams like any other person, even though you are a mum, and those dreams are not beyond you. And you’ll get full permission to live the life you want to design.

Across my own 12 week coaching journey I peeled back the onion layers of who I am and what I want. Coaching gave me a blank slate where all possibilities were valid options. My coaching space was one where nothing was holding me back from being or trying anything. It was liberating to cut the legs out from under the beliefs holding me back from true happiness and fulfilment. And with that I reclaimed my enthusiasm and energy to recreate my life.

Over 12 weeks I experienced at least 12 transformational results:

  • I shifted quickly out of overwhelm
  • I completely redesigned my schedule
  • I decluttered my whole house
  • I learned powerful prioritising
  • I gained the ability to let go; of the stuff that didn’t serve me and of limiting beliefs, which gave me freedom
  • I started purposefully working towards something outside of #beingmum
  • I rediscovered living in the moment
  • I got complete clarity over what matters to me; my values
  • I became friends with my fears, so I could work on them rather than ignore them
  • I understood myself for possibly the first time ever
  • I designed a life for myself that fit with my values and my goals
  • I started living on purpose instead of on autopilot.

The bulk of this happened across just 8 weeks. It just took creating space and giving my complete commitment to working on the areas of my life that were not serving me. The weight that was lifted following those 8 weeks was almost as transformational as the coaching itself! I was floating on air. I finally started to enjoy my children and reconnect with my husband and do the the things that made me happy, which made me better able to look after everyone else.

Thinking ‘I’ll have me some of that?!’

The good news is that I am a Life Coach working to empower open and inspired women with more balance, freedom, fulfilment and happiness in their lives.

If you are overwhelmed, stuck or simply shelving YOU right now let me help you find out whether life coaching can help.

If you feel lost in the demands of #beingmum or are just ready for some ‘pzazz’ in your life right now, let me help you find the space and time to find true alignment between what you want and what you have in your life.

My role as a life coach is to ensure that you start unearthing your true desires.  To enable you to re-discover the aligned, healthy, happy and self-compassionate inner-you.

You can thrive for yourself, within the demands of your family life and within the time you have. You just have to give yourself the permission to work on yourself and commit to following through.

My mission is to help mums feeling overwhelmed, unsure and unfulfilled to find balance, focus and happiness. I don’t see it as a luxury to be this way, I see it as our responsibility as mums because if our cups aren’t full we can’t fill the cups of those around us to our best ability. Plus, our children model their behavior on how we treat ourselves, so if we can’t put ourselves first when we need to we can’t expect them to ever do so either.

To coach with me is simple.

Just:

1. Contact me to enquire about coaching

2. Book a 30 minute Discovery Session with me, either for coaching or my Design Your Life Experience

3. Decide if we’re an awesome fit and then get started!

I look forward to connecting with you and sharing a journey together.

Much love, Clare X X

Why I Made the Decision to Design My Life

So, this is what my life looked like not so far back in the past…

I had a brand new baby, I was taking both girls to Play Centre, I was taking on responsibilities there, I was trying to be the perfect mum – attachment parenting, breastfeeding, healthy food, seeing the Naturopath, trying to never lose my temper, putting far too much pressure and too many expectations on myself. I was trying to get Essential Mum off the ground and running, whilst working out a sales contract I held onto because we were pressured by the weight of financial stress that was so heavy I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.  Many weeks we just didn’t know how we would be able to pay our bills and the mortgage. I felt obligated in so many different directions that I didn’t know which way was up. I was stressed, I was exhausted, and by rushing from one task to the next constantly I was missing being in the moments as they happened and losing the true beauty of them. I was disconnected from my new baby girl, my older baby girl and life itself.  I was exhausted.  And yet I was going over and above for the wonderful crowd of women I had attracted with Essential Mum because these women inspired me and motivated me daily. I wanted desperately to help them more than what I was doing already.  That was when I decided to train to become a life coach.  And that was when my life changed.

And now I have come full circle. What I mean by that is that it’s now time to share on what was so powerful for me. Because I see you; hiding behind a smile that disguises how unfulfilled you feel.  I know that your “together” shell hides how inside you’re falling apart. Your silence tells me everything it needs to.  I hear you because I was where you are and I want to help you.

In September I am launching my Design Your Life Coaching Programme for 6 inspired and open mums.  The steps I will take you through across 8 weeks are exactly those that I took myself to get out of the overwhelm and focus on me and what I needed for my health and happiness.  I will help you strike a balance between what you love to do and your obligations, so you’re not over-committed and exhausted.  I will help you design a life that brings you happiness, every day.

mountain move

I still have days where I fall apart, but what helps me come back together again is knowing the steps to get myself back into balance.  If you are interested in receiving some no obligation information about my Design Your Life Programme, fill out the contact form here:

Much Love x x