How to peel back the layers of your #anxietyonion & get to the core of what you need

Having anxiety when you are a mum can be challenging because we often put everyone else first, meaning focus on our own wellbeing can be lacking.  However, I’d like you to see this blog as a message of hope because my recovery began when I became a mum.  Having Eden gave me all the reason in the world to recover and was the beginning of my becoming positively selfish (you can learn more about this in my podcast, here).

However, if I have learnt anything from my 10 year long relationship with anxiety, it’s that recovery is not straightforward.  It transcends our physical, mental and spiritual state.  I’ve learned to think of it like an onion and I’d like to help you unpeel its layers.

So if you are feeling anxious right now, or have been diagnosed with anxiety, or are navigating the complex recovery process, or are supporting somebody else to do so, this blog is for you.

I am not a doctor, I am not diagnosing you and I’m not even really making any recommendations, I am just sharing what happened and what worked for me in the hopes it helps you.

The external layer of your onion – your anxiety’s cause

A cause of anxiety is something that caused your anxiety disorder to be a part of you in the first place.

For some people there is no obvious cause, but for others there is a clear link to your situation and your anxiety starting.  For me it was a pressured work environment.  Don’t get me wrong, other things contributed in the lead up to it, which broke down my resilience, but the long-term, persistent stress was the tipping point for me and was the catalyst to my long-term anxiety issues. I have had friends and family members who have developed anxiety after living with cancer, and others who have developed anxiety after troubled relationships or loss.  My first step in recovering from my anxiety was to get away from its cause.  Obviously this is not possible for everyone, but if you can move away from the cause of your anxiety, I really recommend that you should, to open up the space to heal, which for me started in my physical state, rather than my mental state.

The next layer of my onion – my physical state

I am sharing this as a really important layer of everyone’s anxiety onion (should I hashtag that? #anxietyonion?) because it wasn’t until I had become physically more healthy that I realised that my physical health had played such a significant part in breaking down my mental resilience to cope with life. Of course, the persistent stress was also damaging my physical health, so it was a revolving cycle; a mess.  My recommendation is that if you are having anxious feelings right now, make an extra effort to do the following things:

  • Clean up your diet
  • Kick out the processed stuff and replace with clean, homemade food that is low in sugar and other rubbish like preservatives
  • Add in a probiotic to your day
  • And start taking a good multivitamin.  (I take these.)  B Vitamins, magnesium, vitamin d and other vitamins, minerals and even amino acids like Tryptophan can all have a positive impact on your anxious feelings.

The third layer of my onion – Counseling/Coaching

Counseling is one of the first things a doctor will offer somebody who is suffering with anxiety (alongside medication), and for some it works really well. For me I felt it was a load off to talk about the the things that were bothering me, but that was all it was, a load off.

Then in 2016 I was offered a sponsorship to train to become a life coach. As part of this I received a lot of coaching and it was transformational. Read more here.

And if coaching or counseling is something you haven’t tried yet, give it a go. Talk to me about the difference between the two and what might serve you best.

The fourth layer of my onion – are my daily actions nourishing or draining?

How we spend our time can massively impact our anxious feelings.  If we spend all of our time around noxious people, sit in front of a screen all day, never get outside, listen to bad news and lie awake all night fretting, we are going to feel low and drained, which is like swinging the door open for the anxious feelings to come in.

If we instead try to do things that lift us and make us feel good, it gives us the resilience to keep those anxious feelings out.  I didn’t know any of this in the early days of my recovery.  It was in my personal development that I learned about our personal energy and how everything we are is energy and about how we can either vibrate high or low.  And it’s the nourishing things that keep our vibration high, which keeps anxiety out (mostly).

I started to learn about Gratitude Walking and Earthing and the power of nature and sunlight. I started to look critically at the people I was spending most time with, the things I was reading and listening to and paying attention to what made me feel good so I could do more of it.

Kickboxing has always been something that has made me feel better. Exercise gets our heart beating and increases our good hormones, and helps us sleep (which is also important to how we feel.)

Prior to my life coaching I’d started kickboxing because someone had recommended exercise to ease how I was feeling and I literally tried the first class I saw a sign for on the way home from work! I was instantly hooked. I never intended it to be anything more than a hobby, but after Eden was born I ended up saying yes to a fight! Turned out to be transformative in how I looked at my anxiety disorder. For all this time I had been experiencing this irrational fight or flight feeling and then suddenly, there I was heading into real combat with a real reason to feel my cortisol burn. And yet, by focusing on the trust in my training and the end goal I was able to control the feeling and function. It wasn’t until my life coaching that I understood the power of this perspective and how to use it in my daily life to face the fears that didn’t exist outside of my mind.

The final part of my onion – the core

I refer to this as the core of my onion because it took a state of real self-awareness to understand it, and that self awareness mainly came from all the other work I did on myself, as I peeled away the other layers. However, the other reason it is a core issue, is that without getting a handle on this, however many times you think you have a handle on your anxiety it will always trip you up again. It’s the panic attack that takes you by surprise, the sudden fall from Zen to chaos and the middle of the night when you suddenly can’t sleep and it feels like the hands are closing round your throat. This sudden return to anxious even if you have had months of being OK is caused by triggers. This is different to the cause of your anxiety, you may long have moved on from that, but it is like your body remembers how it feels to be in certain situations and puts you in the state of fight or flight all over again. For me it was the multitasking that juggling motherhood with a business brought, the chaos that unfolds with small people and the pressure of success. It was crazy because I’d be under pressure on the Monday and feel nothing, then multitasking on the Tuesday and feel nothing, then do nothing on Wednesday and be hit with a panic attack! It wasn’t until I started wearing my Helo that I started to identify the triggers that were causing my heart rate to rise and my breathing to hasten way before I spiralled into a panic attack. To figure things out I started to journal what I was doing each day then I would reference that with my Helo data that gets stored in a Lifelog, so you can see exactly what every single one of your bioparameters is doing at every moment through the day; even down to your mood and energy levels. I saw very quickly that there was a clear pattern between trying to work from home when the kids were there and my spiral into an anxious state, so I was able to make simple changes to my day that had a big impact on how I felt! I also used my Helo to stay on track because if I slipped back into bad habits, my bioparameters reminded me to take a look again at what I was doing. I don’t think I could have progressed as quickly as I did without this sort of accountability!

HOPE

What if our experiences are exactly what we need?

I ask this question because my anxiety disorder changed my life, in a good way.  It got me to question certain things and make changes and ultimately get to a better place of health, mental calm, spiritual awareness and now I am helping others to do the same.  If we can alter our energy about the things that are happening to us we immediately change our vibration and this helps us to feel hope.  It helps us to find the motivation to move forward and helps us set the intention to make positive change.

Much Love x x

Has this blog been helpful to you?  I would love you to reach out in the comments.  And please contact me directly if you would like to discuss any of the information above.

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How to use my Rollerball System to Roll Easy through this Life of Mum!

Life as a mum isn’t easy all the time.  It can be challenging, emotionally and physically draining, it can be isolating and it can screw with your sense of self in a BIG WAY! Motherhood is an evolving journey in so many ways, but especially in identity, which can be confusing and confronting for us.  And don’t even get me started on mummy guilt…

That is how I came up with my Rollerball System.  Mums would come to me for blends for this and for that:

  • “I need something to pick me up in the afternoon; I am drinking way too much coffee!”
  • “I need something to lift my mood”
  • “Do you have anything for mindfulness?”
  • “I need something to calm me down in the moment – when the kids are driving me crazy”
  • “I need something for my anxious feelings”
  • “The kids keep getting sick, do you have anything to keep me well, so that I can look after them?  I don’t have the time or the luxury of a sick day!”

Through these requests and experimentation with many blends and blends I have used myself (for anxiety, relaxation and mine and my daughter’s immune system), I have developed tried and tested blends that work to:

  • Calm Me DOWN
  • Pick Me UP
  • Keep Me WELL
  • Make me Worry-LESS
  • And be At EASE

new range

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How the System Works

You can use each rollerball individually or you can use them together as a system.  For example:

  • Use At Ease daily to encourage presence and gratitude.
    • I roll At Ease to my root chakra when I rise in the morning, take 3 deep breaths or do a small meditation/positive affirmation.  This helps me to stay present in the moment and relaxed throughout the day, and grateful.
  • Use Calm Me Down in the moment of anger or if you feel your temper or tension rising.  It makes tension literally melt away.
    • Roll to the back of your neck if you feel a tension headache coming on or have tight muscles.  Roll it behind your ears 30 minutes before bedtime to relax and unwind and welcome sleep.
  • Use Calm Me Down and Worry Less together in the moment anxiety hits.  Anxiety is like a domino.  If you don’t catch that first one falling the anxiety spirals out of your control.  This mix can help you stop that domino in its tracks.
    • Roll both to the wrists and take 3 deep breaths.  Repeat a positive affirmation 3 times. Or, roll to the center of your chest at the heart level in a clockwise direction. The heart chakra is the wellspring of love, warmth, compassion, and joy.  It encourages self-love, altruism, generosity, kindness, and respect.
  • Use Worry Less on its own on those days where worries weigh down our mind and spirit.
    • Roll easy up to three times a day on wrists, back of knees, feet, neck or root chakra.
  • Use Pick Me Up to lift mood or energy.  It is a great alternative to that 3pm coffee!  It contains multiple citrus oils to lift your energy and spirit, whilst keeping you grounded and focused with the frankincense and other balancing oils.
  • Use Keep Me WELL during those times when your immune system needs a boost because you need to be well, mum, to keep your tribe well! We forget to look after ourselves sometimes, so this is one is an easy, quick way to do that with immune boosting, bacteria busting, spirit lifting essential oils.

Using these rollerballs as a system works really well for a number of reasons:

  • Calming a troubled mind makes us more present in our children’s play and needs
  • The ability to calm down when emotions or tensions run high is beneficial to mum and child too
  • Better sleep leads to more energy
  • Actively practising gratitude and mindfulness can reduce stress
  • Boosting the immune system is important to maintaining wellness. When mum gets sick there is no recovering in bed for days.  We have to keep going, so it is better to invest in avoiding illness in the first place!

As a system the rollerballs are aimed at reducing ill-health and the negative emotions that are a consequence of high stress, lack of sleep, tension and worry, and increasing positive mood from the inside out.  Recent studies show self-induced changes in mood can increase the production of serotonin, which is your feel good hormone.  By increasing calm and a sense of peacefulness and control, this also boosts the mindfulness that we are encouraging with the At EASE blend!

BUY NOW

 Buy your Rollerballs now.  Purchase individually from $22 each or as a system for $124.50

Roll Easy flyer

Design Your Life

My 5 Roll Easy rollerballs are also a key tool in my Design Your Life Ultimate Experience. This is an 8 week coaching programme to shift out of overwhelm into purpose.

Are you tired of living on autopilot?

Are you stressed?  Maybe not feeling like you’re not giving your all to any one thing, including your children?

Do you feel guilty or frustrated that you’re not achieving your own expectations?

Are you inspired by the possibility life could be better?

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click here

And be sure to click here and read my Guest Blog Series from other mums who took the journey from surviving to thriving!

Why the Design Your Life Experience WORKS

A couple of years ago I hit a tipping point.  My life was completely out of balance and I was unhappy.  Something needed to change.

Using the process I will take you through as part of this experience I “decluttered” my physical, spiritual and mental space.  I scheduled my time, so that I could fit the many things that were pulling me in many directions in.  Then I identified the things that were quality time spent that served me and my family and got rid of the rest; i.e. I designed my life, rather than letting life rule me!  I identified my purpose and freed myself from the limiting beliefs and other things that were holding me back from fulfilling it.  And through all of this emerged more awareness of who I am underneath the veil of Eden and Jade’s mum, so that my life is not just about #beingmum. In fact, I discovered that I am literally 50 shades of mum, but that is OK!  I also acknowledged that I have less than attractive traits that make me feel like a terrible mum sometimes, like my Angry Dinosaur, but through the process I will take you through I understand how they serve me, how they don’t and I put strategies in place to use them to my advantage.

If you are ready to fall in love with the life you have designed for yourself, which brings you true happiness and lives out your purpose and dreams, talk to me now to get started.

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