The Truth About #Beingmum

Today I want to drill down deep.  This is a blog I have wanted to write for a while, but just couldn’t find the right words.

You see, the truth about #beingmum, for me and maybe you too, is confronting.  It is everything that I expect of myself and cannot be: successful and mindful.

What do I mean by this?

Let’s start with “success”.  What I mean by this is the constant expectations we set and have for ourselves and what we achieve #beingmum and how in this way we often set the bar too high and end up feeling like we’re failing.

Here’s some examples:

  • There has to be a healthy dinner on the table every night
  • We have to think of a creative, educational, stimulating activity for our children to do every day
  • Our house has to be spotless
  • We are never going to yell or lose our temper
  • We are going to respond positively to our children’s every need

Because your mum.  Because that’s your job.  Because that is what is expected of you.  And ultimately it’s what you expect of yourself.

But is it always realistic?

I’m glad you asked.

My belief is no.  What I am finding as I coach different mums is this common factor of expecting way too much of ourselves in the time that is available to us, in the reality of the chaos that is #beingmum.

This inevitably leads to punishing feelings of guilt and failure and adds to the pressure we put on ourselves to do better.  It makes us stressed and feel overwhelmed.  It pushes our life out of balance, limits our happiness and can ultimately make us ill.

Now let’s talk about mindfulness.  The truth about #beingmum is that it is terribly hard to be mindful when you are a mum.  We are pulled in so many different directions that I reckon our brains actually rewire to always thinking about the next thing we have to get done, instead of enjoying being in the moment.

And the worrying thing is that a lack of mindfulness and constant pressure causes stress and mums are just as prone to stress related burnout as any other woman.  The 4 walls of our homes and the arms of our loving families do not protect us from the mental health issues that are now prolific in our society.  The difference is that mum can’t “fall” and so the burnout manifests in different ways – a functioning exterior that covers a depression, low self-esteem, disconnection from partner and friends, or just a daily living hell as you fail to cope and feel constant guilt and anxiety, but you maintain a smile for those around you.

Why am I writing about this?

Because I want to help you. I’ve been stressed, I’ve been anxious and I’ve definitely been overwhelmed more times than I’d like to admit, but through these experiences I found a way out to the other side…

I believe life is beautiful (2)

And here’s the thing: Everything that pulls our attention in many directions, many of the things that challenge us and the even some of the things that cause us stress are normal parts of daily life #beingmum.

So we need to find a way for the pressures of #beingmum to exist in non-harmful ways and work on being more mindful.

How can we do this?

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1. Notice More

When you have a moment, instead of thinking or scrolling your phone, notice what’s around you. Enjoy the soft fluffiness of the clouds, study the smile in your child’s eyes, see the colour in the trees around you. Take the Zen Mum Challenge to learn an easy, useful mindfulness activity that you can practice every day

2. Commit Less

Can you really do all the things you’ve said you’ll do in one day (without ending up exhausted?) A good test is to see if you’ll have at least one 2-hour block somewhere between 9 and 5 without doing something. If you haven’t, you’ve over-committed. (There’s method in my madness – check out one of my Time Management workshops if you don’t believe me).

3. Look Within

When we manifest our deepest intentions, we stop falling out of the moment because we’re not ruminating over the next decision/action. The result is a satisfying and fulfilling life that we want to be present in and self-insight that helps us get clarity of what our expectations of ourself should be and focus on how to achieve them.

4. Just Be

Say you did get that 2 hour block with nothing in it; the housework is done, the children’s cups are filled with touch, love and attention and you don’t need to check your emails because you’re on top of the work to do list, could you just be?

Try it. Turn the phone off, have no agenda and just go with the flow. Say yes to the children, sit and play/read/cuddle. Be fully present in whatever you do for that 2 hour block. Each time you feel obligated to do something else, put it out of your mind, breathe and smile. Be proud of being in the moment.

To support these actions, try my Roll Easy Rollerball System. As you know, I recommend essential oils to support the work we do in coaching.

These rollerballs are a natural way to support mindfulness, calm and peace.  Check out how they work here.

They are formulated with doTERRA’s certified pure therapeutic grade essential oils, so contain no fillers, preservatives or other synthetic chemicals that are often used in essential oils used for flavoring and perfume. They have a strong therapeutic response and are even tested to be free of heavy metals, herbicides and insecticides. So you can be confident that what you roll onto your skin is completely natural.

(To see my Roll Easy System on Facebook, click here.)

I am about to launch my signature coaching experience, Design Your Life, if you’d like more information, please give me your details here.

I know you are thinking of a heap of reasons now why you don’t need to design your life, but I want you to ask yourself the question, if this blog has resonated with you, how close are you going to get to burn out or real unhappiness before you start making changes in your life?

I’m one of the unfortunate who has fallen over the edge and boy have I paid the price in the long-term.  The damage that chronic stress does to your body runs deep. For example,  I’m now the not so proud owner of adrenal fatigue, which has challenged many areas of my health. Thank goodness for my essential oils that are supporting my recovery in a big way!

So, I’ll leave it here and hope to hear from you soon…

Much love X X

Essential Mum

Trust your calling, discover your purpose and unapologetically go for it!

Meet Holly, a beautiful, inspired Mumtrepreneur. Her business idea came about when as a new, breastfeeding mum she looked for a feeding apron, but didn’t like any of the ones she found, so  made her own.

“I wanted something really pretty, and something that you could wear as a scarf all the time – because my baby was hungry at the drop of a hat and I didn’t like madly going through my bag trying to find my cover while he was screaming. So I cut up a sarong my brother had just brought me back from Fiji – it was bright and colourful, and with the off-cuts I made Jude a matching bandana style bib. I am really into matching!! It’s cheesy, but cute :)”

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I met Holly only a couple of weeks ago when she contacted me over my Essential Mum facebook page about her desire to help other local (East Auckland) Mumtrepreneurs. We met over a coffee at The Burbs, Farm Cove and she told me her incredible story.

“My business at the moment is nursing scarves and matching baby bibs, but I am hoping to grow as I have a lot of other ideas for other mummy-baby accessories. When I made my first nursing scarf combo, I had other people asking me where they could buy one, and I thought I could make a little business out of it. I had a friend who had just returned home from being a missionary in Bangalore, India and she knew an amazing group of women there who made clothes and accessories. They have been rescued out of poverty, some out of human trafficking, and most are also mothers. They work at this amazing social enterprise where they get paid a really good wage, and they can bring their babies to work as there is a nursery onsite and they can breastfeed whenever they need to – they and their kids also get hot lunches daily. It sounded like a great cause, and I wanted to support it, so I teamed up with them to do our manufacturing. We have some beautiful fabrics, some look a lot like Indian saris.

Making a Difference

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Our whole idea as a business is supporting mums – here in NZ, and there in India! NZ-made stuff is great, but I think because I have travelled and done volunteer work with people in extreme poverty, my first choice is to support them to help themselves out of the poverty cycle.

Our name actually is Bon Baby – bon meaning good in french, because we really want our business to do good in the world!”

And Bon Baby really is making a difference. Every scarf and bib set sold helps another mum on the other side of the world to work while her baby is looked after. Furthermore, Bon Baby’s  supply of business to the social enterprise means they can employ more women to work. Holly explained that because she chooses to pay more for them as suppliers than she would using a ‘sweatshop’ – they can pay their women a fair and liveable wage to support themselves and their kids.

Holly plans to travel to India soon to visit the mums in person. “I really want to meet the women for myself, talk to them, see the nursery, and of course see my products being made. The story of the women in Bangalore is one of the real points of interest in my products, and point of difference, so we plan to share that story as much as we can. Each product comes with a small flier about the women who made it.

There was such a warmth in Holly as we sat and chatted that morning. It was evident that her heart and soul were totally invested in her business, but also in her little boy Jude who is 13 months old and gorgeous. I asked how she managed her business around the responsibilities of #beingmum and she simply said, like all mums, her baby comes first. “He’s my little sidekick and he comes everywhere with me – we like to be out and about and busy – he gets so bored cooped up at home, so we enjoy our lifestyle! His personality – very, very active – works well with me running a business, meeting people and getting stuff done.”

As well as #beingmum and a Mumtrepreneur, Holly is a student at the Auckland University business school and does volunteer work in the community. “I like to keep busy. I have been married to my husband Ewan for nearly 7 years. We live in Cockle Bay. I’m the kind of mum who wants to be with my baby all the time – by the time he turned 1 I had only been apart from him twice, ever.”

I guess it is this passion to be at home with Jude that drives Holly’s passion to help the mums in Bangalore and mums here in East Auckland to achieve in earning their own income at home through a passion and purpose driven business.

Together we have set up East Auckland Mums With Bubs in Biz because we truly believe and are living the experience of magical things happening in our businesses and life when you tap into your true purpose. 

However, we also know it’s not easy and mums need a special kind of support to commit to something outside of #beingmum (because we naturally feel this should be where we invest all of our energy and time) and get the right mindset and strategy. So we want to provide that to mums, by mums.

But as Holly’s story demonstrates, you also need to be a little bit brave. Take the big steps to make a bigger impact, take a chance on your idea succeeding, even if it feels like the odds are stacked against you.

Trust your calling, discover your purpose and unapologetically go for it!

As my journey with Holly so far has proved, the universe will have your back if bravely march in the direction of your purpose. Things will come together. In 2 short weeks, Holly and I have launched our network and organised a Christmas Market for other mums like us to sell their products and services. You can read about it here.

So, what’s your story? Are you ready to share it with the world? Or do you have an idea and want to get started. Speak to me today about how I might be able to help! 💜

Much love X X

P.s. You can learn more about Holly at

http://www.bonbaby.co.nz/

https://www.facebook.com/bonbabyboutique

How to use my Rollerball System to Roll Easy through this Life of Mum!

Life as a mum isn’t easy all the time.  It can be challenging, emotionally and physically draining, it can be isolating and it can screw with your sense of self in a BIG WAY! Motherhood is an evolving journey in so many ways, but especially in identity, which can be confusing and confronting for us.  And don’t even get me started on mummy guilt…

That is how I came up with my Rollerball System.  Mums would come to me for blends for this and for that:

  • “I need something to pick me up in the afternoon; I am drinking way too much coffee!”
  • “I need something to lift my mood”
  • “Do you have anything for mindfulness?”
  • “I need something to calm me down in the moment – when the kids are driving me crazy”
  • “I need something for my anxious feelings”
  • “The kids keep getting sick, do you have anything to keep me well, so that I can look after them?  I don’t have the time or the luxury of a sick day!”

Through these requests and experimentation with many blends and blends I have used myself (for anxiety, relaxation and mine and my daughter’s immune system), I have developed tried and tested blends that work to:

  • Calm Me DOWN
  • Pick Me UP
  • Keep Me WELL
  • Make me Worry-LESS
  • And be At EASE

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BUY NOW

How the System Works

You can use each rollerball individually or you can use them together as a system.  For example:

  • Use At Ease daily to encourage presence and gratitude.
    • I roll At Ease to my root chakra when I rise in the morning, take 3 deep breaths or do a small meditation/positive affirmation.  This helps me to stay present in the moment and relaxed throughout the day, and grateful.
  • Use Calm Me Down in the moment of anger or if you feel your temper or tension rising.  It makes tension literally melt away.
    • Roll to the back of your neck if you feel a tension headache coming on or have tight muscles.  Roll it behind your ears 30 minutes before bedtime to relax and unwind and welcome sleep.
  • Use Calm Me Down and Worry Less together in the moment anxiety hits.  Anxiety is like a domino.  If you don’t catch that first one falling the anxiety spirals out of your control.  This mix can help you stop that domino in its tracks.
    • Roll both to the wrists and take 3 deep breaths.  Repeat a positive affirmation 3 times. Or, roll to the center of your chest at the heart level in a clockwise direction. The heart chakra is the wellspring of love, warmth, compassion, and joy.  It encourages self-love, altruism, generosity, kindness, and respect.
  • Use Worry Less on its own on those days where worries weigh down our mind and spirit.
    • Roll easy up to three times a day on wrists, back of knees, feet, neck or root chakra.
  • Use Pick Me Up to lift mood or energy.  It is a great alternative to that 3pm coffee!  It contains multiple citrus oils to lift your energy and spirit, whilst keeping you grounded and focused with the frankincense and other balancing oils.
  • Use Keep Me WELL during those times when your immune system needs a boost because you need to be well, mum, to keep your tribe well! We forget to look after ourselves sometimes, so this is one is an easy, quick way to do that with immune boosting, bacteria busting, spirit lifting essential oils.

Using these rollerballs as a system works really well for a number of reasons:

  • Calming a troubled mind makes us more present in our children’s play and needs
  • The ability to calm down when emotions or tensions run high is beneficial to mum and child too
  • Better sleep leads to more energy
  • Actively practising gratitude and mindfulness can reduce stress
  • Boosting the immune system is important to maintaining wellness. When mum gets sick there is no recovering in bed for days.  We have to keep going, so it is better to invest in avoiding illness in the first place!

As a system the rollerballs are aimed at reducing ill-health and the negative emotions that are a consequence of high stress, lack of sleep, tension and worry, and increasing positive mood from the inside out.  Recent studies show self-induced changes in mood can increase the production of serotonin, which is your feel good hormone.  By increasing calm and a sense of peacefulness and control, this also boosts the mindfulness that we are encouraging with the At EASE blend!

BUY NOW

 Buy your Rollerballs now.  Purchase individually from $22 each or as a system for $124.50

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Design Your Life

My 5 Roll Easy rollerballs are also a key tool in my Design Your Life Ultimate Experience. This is an 8 week coaching programme to shift out of overwhelm into purpose.

Are you tired of living on autopilot?

Are you stressed?  Maybe not feeling like you’re not giving your all to any one thing, including your children?

Do you feel guilty or frustrated that you’re not achieving your own expectations?

Are you inspired by the possibility life could be better?

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click here

And be sure to click here and read my Guest Blog Series from other mums who took the journey from surviving to thriving!

Why the Design Your Life Experience WORKS

A couple of years ago I hit a tipping point.  My life was completely out of balance and I was unhappy.  Something needed to change.

Using the process I will take you through as part of this experience I “decluttered” my physical, spiritual and mental space.  I scheduled my time, so that I could fit the many things that were pulling me in many directions in.  Then I identified the things that were quality time spent that served me and my family and got rid of the rest; i.e. I designed my life, rather than letting life rule me!  I identified my purpose and freed myself from the limiting beliefs and other things that were holding me back from fulfilling it.  And through all of this emerged more awareness of who I am underneath the veil of Eden and Jade’s mum, so that my life is not just about #beingmum. In fact, I discovered that I am literally 50 shades of mum, but that is OK!  I also acknowledged that I have less than attractive traits that make me feel like a terrible mum sometimes, like my Angry Dinosaur, but through the process I will take you through I understand how they serve me, how they don’t and I put strategies in place to use them to my advantage.

If you are ready to fall in love with the life you have designed for yourself, which brings you true happiness and lives out your purpose and dreams, talk to me now to get started.

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Payment plans are available.

 

Life Coaching or Life Changing?

I graduated from my Momentum Life Coach training this week. This has been such an amazing experience, throughout which I have grown exponentially in skills and spirit!

It might sound weird, but my journey with essential oils and working with doTERRA had already completely changed my outlook on life.  I began a self development journey and began believing that there was more out there for myself in terms of my health and happiness.  When I began the Life Coaching course and also began to be coached, the change in me grew exponentially!

Here I wanted to share some of the changes with you…Literally my life and my outlook (and also “inlook*”) was completely unrecognisable!

1. I have gained this self awareness that I never had before;

2. I have peeled back the layers of myself, so to speak, in a safe way (not like I felt vulnerable and open). Through this I have gained clarity and direction;

3. I am in a new comfort zone. I have identified and traveled the steps out of the comfort zone that no longer served me, and in doing this I have a new confidence; ‘can take on anything’ attitude;

But, 3. I accept that my “flaws” are OK. What I mean by that is that we all have things we don’t like about ourselves or that we think hinder us. I’m not saying I accept them so I’ll keep them, but I have interrogated them and gained insight into why I think I have them and from there I can decide my steps forward. Momentum have an extremely effective tool to support this process. Vivienne Kelly, a coach of 14 years experience and a background in psychology, designs the course herself and nearly all of the tools we go on to use as coaches. She is an inspirational lady who I have grown extremely fond of and value as a mentor. I’m not alone in this experience as I discover the ‘Momentum Family’! Vivienne continues to support her graduates way after the course concludes;

4. I am meeting incredibly inspiring people EVERY DAY;

5. My head is an electric storm of ideas!

6. I have stopped relying on other people to make me OK;

7. I have identified the areas of my life that deserve my time building, and what I can let go to feel happier and more balanced;

8. I have recalibrated** beliefs that are limiting my success;

9. I am trusting my intuition;

10. I am ready to start my coaching business. A Freedom Coach to inspired, open women, supported by my essential oils and specifically my Rollerball Collection, tailored to #beingmum and everything that goes with that.

A year ago my life and prospects looked so very different. I was facing unpaid maternity leave and financial hardship. Now I have #daredtodream and applied for an #AMPScholarship to help other women achieve their dreams (you can vote for me as the people’s choice at http://scholarshipsignup.amp.co.nz/place-vote/139319/2325022/). I am about to move into my own place to coach out of from Sept 21st at Greenhill Health Centre, Pakuranga. You can come see me for coaching and for all your oily needs, and as I believe, the two work really well together 😊

Watch this space for more info on my exciting next steps and if you want to explore what training to #becomeacoach can do for you as a career, or part of your existing business, call Momentum on 0210377289.

Their next Foundation Course starts next week with just a few spaces left! Could it be that it’s time for you to start life changing too?

P.S. I used a couple of words in this post I would like to explain!

*inlook – completely made this up, but feel only way to describe how I have looked deep into my soul for answers

**Recalibrated – totally thieved this from my course mate, Sherman. Such a good description of the way coaching evolves your beliefs and thought processes!

Much love X X