Today I want to drill down deep. This is a blog I have wanted to write for a while, but just couldn’t find the right words.
You see, the truth about #beingmum, for me and maybe you too, is confronting. It is everything that I expect of myself and cannot be: successful and mindful.
What do I mean by this?
Let’s start with “success”. What I mean by this is the constant expectations we set and have for ourselves and what we achieve #beingmum and how in this way we often set the bar too high and end up feeling like we’re failing.
Here’s some examples:
- There has to be a healthy dinner on the table every night
- We have to think of a creative, educational, stimulating activity for our children to do every day
- Our house has to be spotless
- We are never going to yell or lose our temper
- We are going to respond positively to our children’s every need
Because your mum. Because that’s your job. Because that is what is expected of you. And ultimately it’s what you expect of yourself.
But is it always realistic?
I’m glad you asked.
My belief is no. What I am finding as I coach different mums is this common factor of expecting way too much of ourselves in the time that is available to us, in the reality of the chaos that is #beingmum.
This inevitably leads to punishing feelings of guilt and failure and adds to the pressure we put on ourselves to do better. It makes us stressed and feel overwhelmed. It pushes our life out of balance, limits our happiness and can ultimately make us ill.
Now let’s talk about mindfulness. The truth about #beingmum is that it is terribly hard to be mindful when you are a mum. We are pulled in so many different directions that I reckon our brains actually rewire to always thinking about the next thing we have to get done, instead of enjoying being in the moment.
And the worrying thing is that a lack of mindfulness and constant pressure causes stress and mums are just as prone to stress related burnout as any other woman. The 4 walls of our homes and the arms of our loving families do not protect us from the mental health issues that are now prolific in our society. The difference is that mum can’t “fall” and so the burnout manifests in different ways – a functioning exterior that covers a depression, low self-esteem, disconnection from partner and friends, or just a daily living hell as you fail to cope and feel constant guilt and anxiety, but you maintain a smile for those around you.
Why am I writing about this?
Because I want to help you. I’ve been stressed, I’ve been anxious and I’ve definitely been overwhelmed more times than I’d like to admit, but through these experiences I found a way out to the other side…
And here’s the thing: Everything that pulls our attention in many directions, many of the things that challenge us and the even some of the things that cause us stress are normal parts of daily life #beingmum.
So we need to find a way for the pressures of #beingmum to exist in non-harmful ways and work on being more mindful.
How can we do this?
1. Notice More
When you have a moment, instead of thinking or scrolling your phone, notice what’s around you. Enjoy the soft fluffiness of the clouds, study the smile in your child’s eyes, see the colour in the trees around you. Take the Zen Mum Challenge to learn an easy, useful mindfulness activity that you can practice every day
2. Commit Less
Can you really do all the things you’ve said you’ll do in one day (without ending up exhausted?) A good test is to see if you’ll have at least one 2-hour block somewhere between 9 and 5 without doing something. If you haven’t, you’ve over-committed. (There’s method in my madness – check out one of my Time Management workshops if you don’t believe me).
3. Look Within
When we manifest our deepest intentions, we stop falling out of the moment because we’re not ruminating over the next decision/action. The result is a satisfying and fulfilling life that we want to be present in and self-insight that helps us get clarity of what our expectations of ourself should be and focus on how to achieve them.
4. Just Be
Say you did get that 2 hour block with nothing in it; the housework is done, the children’s cups are filled with touch, love and attention and you don’t need to check your emails because you’re on top of the work to do list, could you just be?
Try it. Turn the phone off, have no agenda and just go with the flow. Say yes to the children, sit and play/read/cuddle. Be fully present in whatever you do for that 2 hour block. Each time you feel obligated to do something else, put it out of your mind, breathe and smile. Be proud of being in the moment.
To support these actions, try my Roll Easy Rollerball System. As you know, I recommend essential oils to support the work we do in coaching.
These rollerballs are a natural way to support mindfulness, calm and peace. Check out how they work here.
They are formulated with doTERRA’s certified pure therapeutic grade essential oils, so contain no fillers, preservatives or other synthetic chemicals that are often used in essential oils used for flavoring and perfume. They have a strong therapeutic response and are even tested to be free of heavy metals, herbicides and insecticides. So you can be confident that what you roll onto your skin is completely natural.
(To see my Roll Easy System on Facebook, click here.)
I am about to launch my signature coaching experience, Design Your Life, if you’d like more information, please give me your details here.
I know you are thinking of a heap of reasons now why you don’t need to design your life, but I want you to ask yourself the question, if this blog has resonated with you, how close are you going to get to burn out or real unhappiness before you start making changes in your life?
I’m one of the unfortunate who has fallen over the edge and boy have I paid the price in the long-term. The damage that chronic stress does to your body runs deep. For example, I’m now the not so proud owner of adrenal fatigue, which has challenged many areas of my health. Thank goodness for my essential oils that are supporting my recovery in a big way!
So, I’ll leave it here and hope to hear from you soon…
Much love X X